It takes too much effort to fall asleep
It takes too much effort to fall asleep
I don’t know, this is worst than putting up with the office bitch.
Home is where the heart is. When your heart is broken, what happens to your home?
When people ask me what do I wanna do, I always shrug and say “I don’t know…maybe blah blah blah, or blah blah blah”. But the truth is, I want to be a mother. I want to be a mother more than anything. Don’t fucking roll your eyes and dismiss me. Ever since what happened with Phil, I’ve never been so sure about what I want.
I have a job, I may or may not have a career, and that is fine with me. Financial success and career advancement does not motivate me, and it sure as hell won’t fulfill me like my child will. I will make enough money to support my (future) child and myself but that is all. I’m sick of everyone insinuating that I don’t have a fucking goal in my life. I am not fucking sorry that my goal in life isn’t to get “a good job” and make money to buy shit I don’t need.
I’ve been fortunate to have the financial means to live…freely and it’s been fun. I’ll admit my life is a little messed up now, cos I’m a little messed up now but I’m trying to pick up the pieces and move on - cutting out prescription drugs is a huge improvement for me. I’m still far from being a responsible mother but I know I’ll give my future child 110 percent and I hope that’s enough to raise a happy and decent human being.
I miss the times at Chestnut
Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear so immediately that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you’re in love or creating things together or foxhole buddies or partners in crime. It’s so clear, right off the bat, that this is what you’re supposed to be doing, that this is what you’re for. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you make a life. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but. It definitely makes me believe in something.
Like my sister from another mother.
(via jsmntuan)
What happens if you can’t weather another storm?
It feels like 2012 just started but it’s already November. I’ve loved and lost, loved and lost. But mostly lost. I lost some really good friends, some money, some habits, some of my mind, but most importantly, I lost someone that meant everything to me.
Now that shit has blown over, I’m still learning to pick myself up. This year has been cruel, you have been cruel. Friends try to console me, tell me his death is a blessing in disguise. Maybe, but I’ll never know.
He was my purpose and meaning, and he’s gone.
You’re beautiful, but you’re empty. No one could die for you.