You’re beautiful, but you’re empty. No one could die for you.
They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives your purpose and meaning
A Valium a day keeps the blues away.
A Valium a day makes your troubles seem okay.
A Valium a day keeps your demons at bay.
They’re about detaching yourself from your anxieties and feeling a sense of togetherness. They’re about letting go and being the lovely mess you deserve to be. You should feel safe and secure, even in the “mistakes” you make, because you’re always surrounded by people who love you.
I think it’s going to be your fault though. Your actions will be the reason why I’ll eventually hate you. I know that you’re a cold man. It didn’t seem like it when we first met but the more I look around inside of you, I realize just how chilly you are. It’s a quiet emotional distance, hard to pinpoint, which makes it all the more difficult to fix. It’s the way you turn away from me in bed five minutes too early, or fail to notice when I’m upset with you. I don’t think you understand people. Or maybe you understand them all too well and don’t care to know more.
I’ll close my eyes, then I won’t see
The love you don’t feel when you’re holding me
Morning will come and I’ll do what’s right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.
And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
It felt good not to be a part of that sort of thing. I was glad I wasn’t in love, that I wasn’t happy with the world. I like being at odds with everything. People in love often become edgy, dangerous. They lose their sense of perspective. They lose their sense of humor. They become nervous, psychotic bores. They even become killers.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
— C.S Lewis (via theseyoungarchies)